Child Support and Joint Custody

Divorce Mediation Long Island


Win-Win Divorce Solutions is one of the only Long Island divorce mediation firms that offers an impartial co-mediation experience with mediators who have training in both law and social work.

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Long Island, New York, follows a four-season weather pattern. Summers are generally hot and humid, while winters can get frigid and often see substantial snowfall. Temperatures in July average in the mid-eighties, with Nassau County, which has a denser population and is closer to New York City, commonly a little warmer than Suffolk County. Most people choose to visit Long Island’s famous beaches, like Fire Island, Jones Beach, and Montauk Point in July and August, and the waters of the Atlantic Ocean are usually warm enough for swimming from June to September. Some beach towns and attractions are closed in the wintertime, when temperatures can drop to an average low of 17 degrees F. Autumn is a wonderful time of year to sightsee on Long Island, with highs in the 70s and lows in the mid-50s and dropping as the end of the year approaches. Precipitation is evenly distributed throughout the year. Average rainfall is 3-4 inches monthly, and averages 25-35 inches annually, although parts of the island sometimes see more than 75 inches of annual snowfall. Long Island is sometimes vulnerable to hurricanes and tropical cyclones.

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Family Issues

Parental Alienation

Parental Alienation

We all thought the process of getting divorced was the hardest, most difficult, and emotional part, but that is not always the case! For those parents that are suffering at the hands of the other parent post-divorce through manipulation and control of the children, this tends to be the most excruciating part to endure. Parental alienation, as it is commonly known, defined as a set of strategies that a parents uses to foster a child’s rejection of the other parent and in doing such, their goal is to develop within their kids feeling of hate, fear, and rejection of the targeted parent, as someone who is unworthy of having a relationship with them. It is conceivable that on moving forward in their lives due to hate, dislike, falling out of love with their former spouse is one thing, but to lose one’s kids because one parent is using them as pawns in their game of thrones is unfathomable.

The signs of this syndrome that are most prevalent is when the former spouse tells your children details of the divorce, makes up false allegations of domestic violence and or criminal activity, speaks badly of you in front of the kids by making defamatory statements and your children feel guilty spending time with you to cite a few examples of such. Consequently, the obvious questions are why a former spouse indoctrinates the children’s minds against the other parent and what can you do as the parent, do?

To understand this better, the parent that is sabotaging the relationship with the other parent, does so because they want to be in control, much like they did during the marriage and manipulate the children by enacting revenge and hurting their ex in the process. This narcissistic approach by the manipulative parent is the psychological manipulation of the child by the alienating parent, which typically results in the child’s rejection and lack of empathy towards the targeted parent.

It is a form of abuse, similar to a cult, that has long term effects in the children, even more so then the targeting parent and what they are doing is actually hurting their children, by taking away their loving parent from their lives. Unfortunately, all that time has been lost that can never be recovered and or even worse, where the parent is no longer in the picture, where the children will have a lot of regret, which, most definitely entail years of therapy. Additionally, it can cause detrimental long term effects, such as low self-esteem, hatred, depression, trust issues and forms of addiction. Children will lose the capacity to give and accept love from a parent, or future relationships, which even therapy might not be able to cure. It is only days, weeks, months, or years, that these children realize the long term effects.

The parent that is causing this wedge is usually jealous of that other parent and blames themselves internally for the short comings in the marriage and why it failed and or their current unhappy life. Instead of taking responsibility, they blame the other side and use the children as ammunition in order for them to sleep peacefully at night and feel better about themselves.

Although not easy, the alienated parent must work to maintain a positive, loving relationship with the children, in order that the child can feel safe with you. Try to speak to the other parent about behaviors you have noticed without pointing blame, although that will probably not be successful, because that parent will naturally deny their involvement. Do not attack the other parent, as much as you want to, and get into the game they want to engage you in. If unfortunately, the alienation continues, then one should highly consider therapy for both you and the kids, as well as perhaps parenting classes.

One can always go to court, where the courts do not look fondly upon this and can modify the physical or legal custody arrangement and or reduce visitation accordingly, if they believe the alienation is causing harm. This is always a last resort. Focus on what you as a parent can and cannot control. Remember children are children and not adults, regardless the age. They are impressionable and vulnerable and when one spouse speaks ill about the other, they believe it is true and no matter what you say to combat it, you will not win. Do not address the lies, the manipulation and bad mouthing, but rather sit back and say nothing, either than I love you and will always be your mommy and or daddy. Do not fall prey to the parent that is alienating you from your children and play their game of control. Be there for your kids, even from afar and encourage them to speak directly to you, if they desire, no matter how much the pain you are enduring and feeling in the moment. Tell your kids words of I, “I love you; I miss you; I am here for you.” Text them daily “Good morning and or Good night. Email them short concise questions such as “How was your day? Did you go to the mall? How was basketball practice? Realize you may not get a response, but never give up and do not get angry at them.

Furthermore, one needs to message their emotional reactivity and not jump at the kids, but rather be patient. Blaming the child is not the answer, as the child is only following what is implanted in their brains, as unlawful and convoluted as that is. Repeat to yourself, it is not their fault and in time, if you give them their space, they will come around and realize who the loving, doting parent is. You want them to figure it out on their own, which they will if you make it about them and let them come back to you. Making it about you, and your needs and desires will almost always fail. You, as this targeted parent can only understand the effects of alienation, when you come to realization that imposing the same kind of unhealthy behavior on your ex only further perpetuates this cycle of hurt for your child. One needs to give them their time, while validating their feelings, regardless if you know they are being controlled by the other parent and let them come back when they feel safe again. Just do your best to let it go in the moment and let the kids know you love them and will do everything, even if they are not under your wings like you are used to, Breath, exhale, keep fighting and know Hashem always has a plan and a reason for everything and as painful and as arduous as it is, keep your head held high and never give up losing sight of the ultimate goal!

Visit one of our two convenient Long Island Divorce Mediation locations:

Let us put our divorce mediation expertise to work for you in
Hauppauge Long Island:

Divorce Mediation Long Island Hauppauge Office Location:

Win-Win Divorce Solutions, LLC – Long Island Divorce Mediation
150 Motor Parkway
Center Suite 401-501
Hauppauge, NY 11788

Let us put our divorce mediation expertise to work for you in
Lake Success Long Island:

Divorce Mediation Long Island Lake Success Office Location:

Win-Win Divorce Solutions, LLC – Long Island Divorce Mediators
1979 Marcus Ave.
Suite 210
Lake Success, NY 11042